I travel the open road.

greatest evil.

2010-09-27T12:09:00.000-05:00

The biggest thing I have learned at the Institute so far is how the Christian church is possibly one of the most unauthentic places in the world. I am now a cynic to the church. I think this is a good thing. I have been taught what the church as whole is doing wrong and how it does not line up with the Bible.

I want a reformation for church in America. Let’s take the book of Acts and model their version of the church. We need to change the methods but not the message. So many churches are trying to change the methods and the message, which is where the emergent church comes in (which I think is on its way out but that’s another post for another time). Other churches are packaging twisted messages in a traditional method gift box, which doesn’t work either.

Do not put the tradition of how the church has been run in the past in front of the people in the church. Let me repeat that. DO NOT PUT THE SPIRITUAL HEALTH OF YOUR CHURCH IN JEPORDY BECAUSE YOU ARE TO FOCUSED ON TRADITION.

Did you hear that? A lot of modern problems in the church are simply because people do not want to change what has worked for the past 30 years. Guess what: it’s 2010, not 1980. The world has changed. The greatest evil in America is not wars, immorality, corruption it is the ineffective church. Let me say that again; The greatest evil in America is the ineffective church. How does that make you feel? I’m so annoyed and frustrated.

Maybe I am to emotionally connected to this issue because I am currently watching a great church fall because tradition has been put at the top of the list when really that spot should be reserved for the people. The greatest commandant was not to love tradition. Read Matthew 22:36-40 It was to “love the Lord you God with all your heart and with all your soul and all your mind.” Want to know what the second was is? It’s to “love your neighbor as yourself.” Tradition is never mentioned. Imagine that.

Well, I could talk so much on this issue but our morning break is over. So basically: remember the people of your church, not the tradition. Keep the message, not the methods.

End of an Era

2010-05-17T14:32:00.002-05:00

Friends (all 4 if you that read this):

I have graduated college. I have moved away from Manhattan, Ks. I have shut the door on that chapter of my life. It is the most bizarre set of emotions I have ever felt. I'm excited, scared, nervous, nostalgic and happy.

I never thought I would ever prefer the small-town life to the hustle and bustle of the city. It was so hard to move from the Little Apple. I have grown so much there, the biggest lesson I learned is how faithful the Lord is. He never ceases to amaze me. He has brought me through the fire so many times.

I have been blessed with wonderful roommates, and we have seen the ugly sides of each other and all our crazy emotions that goes with being seniors in college trying to navigate life. We have laughed, cried, laugh until we cried but at the end of the day, we have each other backs. I am so thankful for the people that the Lord placed in Manhattan and I am so excited to see where our friendships go.

I move to Branson in 2 days. And not just for the year, I will call that place home for at least a year.

(speaking of that, I have a Branson blog www.sarahinbranson.blogspot.com, so add it to your google reader, I just wrote a blog today)

Manhattan, it was a good ride. My time is done. I will forever have a part of my heart that is devoted to the Little Apple.

Bring it. Lord, I am ready.

WAIT.

2010-04-19T13:48:00.003-05:00

I am constantly praying for peace:

-about school

-about my day to day struggles

-about kamp

-about grad school

-about my future

-about things that don't matter at the moment

-about anxiety

-about finances

-about Africa

-about transitions

-about everything.

I want so desperately to have a sense of peace in the Lord. At times I wonder if it is because I don't trust Him enough. Waiting on the Lord, I think is one of the hardest things for me to do. I desperately want to have answers. I want a road sign of which way to go so I know it is the right decision. I feel like the Lord is constantly telling me to wait on Him.

A friend of mine just sent me a poem a few days ago.

I just got around to reading it.

Someone much wiser and more talented than I wrote down in a rhyming scheme what has been on my heart the past few weeks and the few waves of peace I get in this crazy world.

"...You'd have what you want, but you would not know Me..."

"...You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair; You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there. You'd not know the joy of resting in Me when darkness and silence are all you can see..."

"...You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee, what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee. Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true, but, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you..."

"...So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see that the greatest of gifts is to truly know Me..."

I feel lost most of the time, but I never feel alone. I guess that might be the first step to fully trusting the Lord, just knowing that He has never left you and never will.

so close. yet not at all.

2010-04-14T22:48:00.003-05:00

Too bad the the DSD paper and my portfolio are my hardest items on my list. It is almost like they are the dark cloud revisited. Only this time, it separates me from loosing my sanity and receiving my diploma.

Tonight I literally looked at some requirements of a paper and started to tear up, mainly because of the sheer fact that I have NO DESIRE WHATSOEVER to write it. I even calculated what my final grade would be if I didn't do it. The I asked myself if I could live with a D. Undecided at the moment.

Don't even get me started on my portfolio...which is ironic because that is barely started as of right now.

Senior year. These next three weeks are going to stink (working on k-rated words)

I need Braum's.

almost works of art

2010-03-28T21:44:00.003-05:00

Below are all of the few lined drafts of blogs I never posted because I got distracted or bored and never finished. There are a few that I would be really interested with where I was going to go with it.

B-Town, Mo.

6/22/09

Kamp is 1/3 of the way over.

Sometimes I just look around and wonder why I signed up for 12 weeks of this.

And then I see God work incredible ways.

untitled

6/27/09

Satan is attacking the name of Kanakuk and more importantly the name of our Lord.

Well hello there senior year

8/23/09

Tomorrow marks the last first day of school I will ever have. Or at least until grad school.

untitled

10/15/09

I could really use some peppermint ice cream right now.

What was I concerned about the most? If I would ever find a skinny vanilla latte as good as Bluestem's. The verdict? Probably not.

untitled

11/8/09

Have you ever had a song that takes you back to a memory so strong that as you listen to it, you want nothing more than to back in that place of peace and simplicity?

For me, a lot of Christmas music does that to me.

worse case scenario

11/10/09

i don't get into seminary
-i don't get into john brown
-i move back to kc and live in my parent's house on the futon in the extra bedroom surrounded by boxes that contain my entire existence
-i work at sheridan's
-or stay in manhattan and work for the school district
-or work at starbucks, somewhere

because i am a family studies major which basically means nothing.

Just a Thought

11/17/09

I want to apologize because my crazy feminist side might come out.

But this is ridiculous!

Shouldn't people be more concerned about the messages barbie sends to girls? Like her 18 inch waist?

untitled

3/2/10

The Lord has a sense of humor, which is supported by observing my life.

Marriages and things like it.

3/17/10

Save the Date cards are determining all my time off this summer.

And I am well on my way to replacing My Best Friend's Wedding as the story of my life to 27 Dresses.

My Best Friend's Wedding had a good run.

Walking in Memphis

2010-03-13T14:13:00.002-06:00

It only seemed appropriate to title this post after the city in which I am currently in.

Last night I watched as my dear friend Tracy walked down the isle to marry Nick. As much as I hate to admit it, I teared up. I don't think I have ever been in such a state of happiness that I have been led to tears.

As the ceremony progressed, I was trying to enjoy every moment of what the pastor was saying but the red pumps she had chosen for the bridesmaids to wear where causing my legs to shake and my knees to throb. I thought I was going to faint from the pain. I have never been in so much pain and trust me, I have had my fair share of physical pain. All for love, right?

About halfway through the ceremony, Clint was talking about how this is the first time in all of his years that he has known each bridesmaid from the day they were born and has watched us all grow up together. The he says :

"I have married 3 of the 5 of you, Sarah and Kelly, You're next. I'm going five for five"

(Enter awkward laughs)

I'm sorry, what?

Can you say that?

Then enter the reception.

All I can say is, if I were dating someone, wouldn't they be there with me?

If you don't see me with a date, assume that I am not dating anyone.

Overall, I am so happy for Tracy and Nick and for the special that eHarmony was running over Labor Day Weekend 2009 to view your matches for free.

In other news, it was catered by Oklahoma Joe's and we all know my love of that place and there were 6 different kinds of cake at the reception. I will not deny the fact that I had some of each. I figured since my dress was on and zipped I could eat all I wanted. And I did.

Valentine's Day

2010-02-09T22:35:00.004-06:00

I have just finished putting together Valentine's for my precious class, even though I was slightly frustrated that buying gender friendly ones was harder than expected.

I had to settle on jungle animals with tattoos to match. They should make variety pack for Valentine's like putting racecars and princesses in the same box.

One of my students is very concerned that I don't have a valentine for Sunday's events, I am pretty sure he has been discussing the matters with the other children. Today alone 3 boys told me I was pretty and if they were old enough they would save me from the embarrassment of being alone (Do I look desperate to my class of 4 and 5 year olds?) One boy asked why I didn't have a date for Sunday, I simply told him that no one had asked.

Rememeber in grade-school when the Valentine's Day was approaching there was always so much talk about what kind of cards you were going to buy and the candy you would attach to it? The week before the party you would be sitting in your art class decorating your envelopes or baskets with construction paper hearts and white doilies to house all the goods you were going to be given.

Life was so much simpler then because everyone received a valentine no matter how much of a loser you were, you got the same amount as the most popular girl in the grade. What an ego-boost for someone who struggled with self-esteem for, I don't know, majority of her grade-school years, middle-school years, high school years and part of college, it felt good to be on the same level as the prettiest girl in class that all the boys loved even just for a moment. You could taste the other side.

Today's gift-giving resembles the dodge ball team selection process from P.E., since you still pray about not becoming the last person left on the sidelines. You think that maybe this year will be your year. By some chance you will open your door and see a bouquet of flowers on the doorstep for you. I have a better chance of walking downstairs to see Celine Dion, Jon McLaughlin, The Fray and Ingrid Michaelson having a jam session in my living room than I do of seeing flowers on my doorstep come Sunday morning.

The title of this post probably makes you think that I am going to bash on this holiday and from what I have already written, it sounds like I might. And it probably sounds like I am bitter and because of me being completely single with no prospects and adding to that, I am a pretty big cynic, that would make complete sense.

But, I have a confession despite my usually cynical feminist attitudes:

I think this is a perfectly fine holiday, although I think it is disgusting how much Hallmark makes off of this day and how many girls self-worth goes down during this time.

And that is the truth coming from a completely content me.

A lot of growth in this area is because of the Lord. I would go through phases where I could barely be happy for someone because of their current relationship status I would only be reminded that I was single but the Lord has been so gracious to me and spared me of some (emphasis the word some) heartache.

This Sunday when friends are out with their loved ones, I will be in my sweatpants in the the purple chair watching reruns of the Office and loving every minute of it. Everyone wins in my opinion.

So all I am going to say is love people as much as you can. Love your family, friends, classmates, team members and coworkers. Love like Jesus.

And show them you love them everyday.

But take advantage of the sales that happen around this time of year.

Especially all the candy that goes on sale on the 15th.

judge me

2010-01-21T22:34:00.003-06:00

A few days ago I was sitting in my senior seminar class and we were going around the room introducing ourselves (which if course was pointless because most of us have been in the same classes for 4 years) anyway, not the point. Most of the the girls basically said that they just wanted to be stay at home moms* and had no career aspirations.

Each student had to introduce ourselves, say our hometown and what we were excited about for our futures. When it go to my turn the conversation went something like this:

Me: Hey, I'm Sarah and I am from KC and I 'm pretty excited about my black kitchenaid I will be getting once I graduate and I will be attending grad school and I want to work with international adoption agencies.

Professor**Is there anything else you are excited about?

Me: I may be going to Africa this summer to work in an orphanage, so that's pretty sweet

Professor: anything else?

(At this point I am struggling with things to say and things are getting awkward and you all know how I thrive in awkwardness)

Me:...ummm.....no

Professor: Don't you want a husband and a family?

(Me suddenly realizing what this woman was getting at was livid. and annoyed. I knew I could tell her what she wanted to hear end the conversation and sit down but against my better judgement, I was honest)

Me: Well, maybe...eventually. Give me 10 years. I want a career, and actually as of right now, I do not want biological kids, I want to adopt.

Professor: Oh, that's nice. Next.

By the look on her face you would have thought I had shot a puppy (or kitty for those who are kitty lovers)

At that moment I could feel every pair of eyes in that room staring me down and judging me for wanting a career, I'm sorry but that is why I came to college.

I know that FSHS has the reputation for being a major filled with girls wanting their MRS degree but why spend thousands of dollars to stay at home? (And for the record, FSHS is harder than most people think.)

And then give hateful looks to the girl who wants to adopt!

*Wanting to be a stay at home mom is a wonderful thing but it is not for me. If that is what you want to do, go for it. Ever seen Desperate Housewives? I think that would be my life (minus the adultery and immoral behavior). I honestly think its great, my mom was one and I know plenty of women who love it, I know that I would go CRAZY after a while)

**I use the phrase professor lightly because she really isn't...by the way, she has a career and is a mother...hypocrite. That may have been to harsh...sorry.

P.S. I need to applying the book of James to my life. I am really bad at being a Christian sometimes (clearly because from this post I am somewhat bitter, I grumble against others and I try to make plans...) thankfully that is teh bok we are studying this semester in Ichthus.

2010-01-20T12:22:00.003-06:00

This is what I did on my afternoon off.

Can we say sick?

Hello adulthood.

10 years. 10 Things.

2010-01-07T10:55:00.001-06:00

Learn French
Go skydiving
Take ballroom dance lessons
Drive highway 1 in California and visit places from Diners, Drive In's and Dives.
Travel to Africa to work with orphans
Receive a master's degree
Pay off all debt
Watch all of Meryl Streep's movies
Run a half marathon.
Memorize Philippians

No resolutions for me

2009-12-31T11:32:00.002-06:00

Goodbye 2009.
You were a mediocre year. Parts of you were good, parts of you were bad.
You started in Branson, ended in Spain. The times in between were spent in Texas, Colorado, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Iowa and New York City.

I think resolutions are silly, I rarely hear them becoming successful changes in one's life.
I have no resloution for this next year but I do have a goal with no sort of deadline.

Watch every movie that Meryl Streep has been in.
I have 30 more to go. Kelsie said she would help.
You in?

seasons of life

2009-12-23T13:29:00.003-06:00

It is times likes these that I realize things will never be the same in my life.
I have grown so comfortable with my routines that it terrifies/excites me to be forced out of my comfort zone.
Day by day things seem the same but at the end of the year, I look back and things have changed so drastically that I hardly recognize my life and have no idea of what the next year is to come.

-Maybe it is seeing my big brother becoming a first-time father to a beautiful baby boy named Aiden Alexander.
-Or knowing that my time at K-State is drawing to a close and the unknown is so unpredictible but yet so exciting.
-Preparing to see Spain while my heart longs for orphans in Ethopia.
-Watching friends become husbands and wives or landing thier dream jobs or wandering around aimlessly with no direction whatsoever...(that was for you Tricia)

All of these events have snuck up on me. My brother still seems like a frat boy in college, my friends hardly seem old enough to have careers, let alone marry.
I hardly even realized that they were happening until they were over.

Wherever you are, be there.

welcome to fshs

2009-12-10T09:53:00.008-06:00

I tend to make fun of my major.
It is just so hard not too sometimes.

-So what if we are given crayons and play-do during class.

-So what if we read children's books about dying dogs (a real tear jerker actually).

-So what if we made a list of things that we are excited about for the future, and being the family studies major we are, most people wrote about marriage and family. I wrote about receiving my black kitchen aid for graduation. I win.
-So what if our projects are so open-ended that a student may choose to create a cookbook to writing a paper to scrapbooking.
-So what if my finals week is only two tests that I don't even plan on studying for.

I love my major. In all honestly, I don't see myself majoring in anything else.
Although at this exact moment I am trying to write a 18 page paper on adolescent development in Juno and have struggled for the past 9 pages.

This is what I did in class today.

and this

and finally this.

Welcome to my major.

And the friends who sit next to me.

the simple things

2009-11-04T19:07:00.000-06:00

When a dark cloud of doom hangs over kearney, it's the little things that get you through the day:

-finding a dollar in your pocket= route 44 diet coke at happy hour
-eating chocolate chips
-watching monica and chandler get engaged, for the 100th time
-waking up to an air mattress in your room and seeing how much your roommates love you
-eating cheese dip for dinner...again
-misc. youtube videos
-a B on a paper you thought you bombed
-a perfectly brewed cup of coffee
-finding out who is hosting oscars '10
-an extra 10 minutes of sleep
-helping a sophomore figure out what to do with her life when i still don't know
-unexpected trip to oklahoma, followed by unexpected reunions
-ingrid michealson songs

the cloud of doom may not leave anytime soon.
but we've got plenty of chocolate chips and diet coke.

Oct 19th-23rd

2009-10-19T09:39:00.002-05:00

This is probably one of my soap boxes.
And it is probably something I am most guilty of.
Tri-delt is on to something (never thought those words would come out of my mouth)

2009-10-17T19:32:00.000-05:00

Yay OP!

I knew Overland Park had it in them.

Proceed with bitter tone.

2009-10-11T21:33:00.004-05:00

Call me a bitter betty tonight, I don't care.

I am in the process of 'planning' a baby shower. And I use the term planning lightly because the sister of my sister-in-law is doing all the planning but basically sending me the bill.

I hate baby showers.

Almost as much as I hate the smell of pediasure and the thought of people emerging from pool drains.

I don't know what it is...actually I do.

It's people talking about the 'miracle of life' in graphic detail and everything that comes with it.

And the dumb games.

And all the women saying how cute everything is, squealing after each gift is opened and passed around.

But all I am saying is keep the details of the delivery room to yourself.

I have come so close to cussing more times in the past two weeks than I think I have in my entire life.

Just a side note, if you are a sibling of a college senior, do not complain about how stressed you are because you have to go to 6 baby showers. I'm sorry people are showering you with gifts for you bundle of joy.

And don't play the 'I'm married and expecting a child card' anymore. It's been 2 years sinc eteh wedding, give it up.

I'm sorry I was so bitter.

It happens.

Ingrid

2009-09-29T15:23:00.003-05:00

I have been in school for roughly sixteen and a half years.

I have recently discovered that I really do not know how to study.

I do know that to make studying easier I always have Ingrid Michaelson playing in the background and a Diet Coke at hand.

It's no wonder I can't ever focus.

She speaks the truth.

'...I want to change the world
Instead I sleep
I want to believe in more than you and me

But all that I know is I'm breathing
All I can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing now...'

And now I am listening to Taylor Swift/Viva La Vida.

I wish I could play the cello.

change

2009-08-30T22:23:00.003-05:00

I am not a huge fan of change.

Unless it's a season.

Such as fall, I love watching the leaves change colors.

The pumpkin spice latte arrived at Starbucks late last week. Pumpkin flavored things make the world go 'round

Anyway, back to change.

I don't like it. Possibly because I love predictability, routines, organization, plans and rules. I like to know where I am headed. I like to have a back up plan that way I always have direction.

As much as I hate change, it always proves to be a good thing in my life.

The key to change is to let go of fear. (A famous quote by someone great)

Everything changes but love remains the same.

Happy 4th.

2009-07-04T10:27:00.002-05:00

Words cannot even express how amazing kamp is right now.
Last term was by far the hardest term yet but at the same time it was the best week. Isn't it funny that with pain always come gain? I have 6 more weeks to go, the joy of the Lord will be my strength.

Kamp is under attack and Satan is hard at work. There is so much spiritual warfare going on. The only thing that is keeping the staff going is to know that the Lord has already gone before us and won the battle. I don't have the time or the energy to explain everything but do be praying for kamp right now.

I am so blessed to work with this staff.
Thanks to those who have written me.

2009-05-30T23:11:00.003-05:00

I just ate 3 dark chocolate peanut m&m's in the last five minutes that have been peanutless. I blame the economy.

Kamp is just great. I am so ready for the families to get here, I want them to drive through the gates and get ready for a week that they will remember.

The leadership team this year is incredible. I connect with each one of them on a different level. I am so blessed to have the chance to get to know them.

The theme for the summer: Choose Life

"To choose life is to love the Lord your God, obeying Him and committing yourself firmly to him."

Deut 30

Kanakuk has stolen my heart once again.

kamp

2009-05-26T21:46:00.002-05:00

It is so hard to not compare kamp this summer to last summer. I grew so much last summer and met so many amazing people. Some did not return this summer due to various aspects of growing up (i.e. getting married, going to grad school, traveling Europe).

I am feeling overwhelmed, not for the same reasons that I did last year but because I am feeling disconnected from the new staff. Since I am always in the kitchen or redoing paperwork in the office I am often with the vet staff who I adore but I want to be intentional in getting to know new girls.

Time feels like it completely stops here. I have no idea what is going on outside of these gates. That's one thing I love. I am not distracted by the media or school, by technology (except the maybe one time a week I can check my e-mail). I can just love on people and serve them in the name of the Lord. Thanks Jesus for this unique opportunity in my life.

Mail is my lifesaver.

Sarah Yocum (or Yoc, most people know me here as that)

K-Kauai

833 Lakeshore Dr

Branson, Mo 65616

P.S. I am known as the girl who obsesses about the Royals and the Chiefs. I wore my Tony jersey on a group thing in Branson (Kirby the Prince of Magic if you really want to know...) and all the other girls we wearing their cute outfits and I was in my Tony jersey. It was great.

the simple things

2009-05-16T11:33:00.004-05:00

orange cream slush

2009-05-12T23:00:00.003-05:00

I took apart my bed all by myself today.

As stupid as it sounds, it was oddly liberating.

(Even though I had to borrow tools from Sam because my toolbox did not have a wrench)

I have wiped my hands clean of junior year. And it feels so good.

Next stop? Kamp.

This is where I will be In December. Jealous?

2009-05-05T17:41:00.004-05:00

I have had three dark chocolate peanut m&m's in the last 5 minutes be peanutless. Fail.

Hello blog world. I love nights off in Branson.

I love the leadership at kamp this year. I connect with each one in a different way. It's going to be a great summer. I can feel it.

I am ready for families to be here. That's the whole reason I am here, to serve families. I am ready for the gates to open up and let in some of the greatest families you will ever meet.

My theme for the summer: Choose Life.

Deut 30:19b-20a nlt

"Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live! You can make this choice by loving the Lord your God, obeying him, and committing yourself firmly to him. This is the key to your life."

Yay for kamp.

finally.

2009-04-19T18:34:00.001-05:00

I secretly, not-so-secretly want to see this. It's my favorite children's book. October 16th. Who wants to go?

Signs that the stress is getting to me.

2009-04-16T17:12:00.004-05:00

This morning I set up the coffee pot to brew a fantastic new blend I found.

I poured the water in, not-so-scientifically measured the grinds out and pressed the on button.

I came back about five minutes later and the hot coffee (which was weakly brewed) was erupting like an active volcano out of the top of the coffee pot. Hot coffee and the grinds were all over the floor and the counter tops.

I just stood there and stared at it.

And then started to cry.

Low point? Yes.

Whatever.

I am going to make funnel cakes tonight with Tricia.

For those who are keeping score: Dinner tonight was a funnel cake and piece cream cake. All I can say is at least I ate dinner.

new trends in my life.

2009-04-10T14:58:00.003-05:00

I have recently found out that when I decide to do something for lent it usually is a dumb idea.

Exhibit A: Three years ago, around this time I was working at Sheridan's Frozen Custard so I decided to give up frozen custard.*

Exhibit B: Last year I gave up coffee and Diet Coke-lasted about 12 days

Exhibit C: This year I gave up carbs-lasted for 19 days

See the trend in my life?

The most recent one deals with my nutrition class and actually has nothing to do with lent. I was studying for a test about the benefits of being a vegetarian. I then decided that I wanted to try it out. Bad Idea. This would mean giving up barbeque. Which if you know me at all, you know that this is impossible for me to do. Hello. A life without Oklahoma Joe's is not a life worth living. Side note: The way to my heart is good barbeque.

So Kelsie and I went to McDonald's for a little meat treat after Ichthus and before Mamma Mia.

Great Idea.

I wish.

Lesson learned: No McDonald's after 10:30 pm

Want to know what I am doing tonight to celebrate me not being a vegetarian? Yep, Oklahoma Joe's here I come.

*This was the only lent that I was successful at.

Next years lent: Give up giving up stuff. That's one that I can be successful at.

my newest creation

2009-04-05T21:57:00.000-05:00

I really love cupcakes.

haiku for kansas state (in 5 verses)

2009-03-31T13:05:00.004-05:00

menopausal spring

it toys with my emotions

summer please get here

finance equals death

i just want to bake cupcakes

summer please get here

title for final?

beautiful disaster. yes.

summer please get here

food network i watch

debate on doing homework

summer please get here

pretending to care

gearing up for senior year

summer please get here

food.food.food.

2009-03-24T14:58:00.005-05:00

I want to go to culinary school. Plain and simple.

Also, I want to mass produce my new apron my mom made me.

If grad school does not pan out, that's what I am doing with my life. I should have done that in the first place.*

I'll join Tricia and Mara for Bun in The Oven.

Or I'll just skip culinary school and practice my skills more than I already do.

Does anyone know if Food Network is hiring a new host?

Ideas I wish I had thought of myself, considering these are the 3 major food groups in my life.

peanut butter cafes**

cereal restaurants

cupcake bakeries

A skill I want to master.

*Do not think I regret my major because I don't. I just have two passions: helping people and feeding people. Alway have to have a back-up plan. Story of my type-a personality.

**Sorry BFF, we can't try that one together because you're allergic

Just a few things to ponder

2009-03-13T11:02:00.006-05:00

1. As many of you know, one of my favorite actresses is Mery Streep. Did you know that May 27th is Meryl Streep Day in New York? How did I not know this? How can I celebrate it at kamp without scaring off new staff?

2. No diet is worth passing the chance of drinking a shamrock shake from McDonald's. Come on people, they are only around in March. Judge me.

3. Right now my roommate is playing songs from movies and broadway plays on itunes. I love it.

4. I get to see my BFF in 5 days...at the Container Store! A dream come true.

5. Things to accomplish over spring break:

Read: The Truth War, Crazy Love and The Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe.

Watch: My Best Friend's Wedding, Pearl Harbor and The Philadelphia Story.

Clean: My bathroom, my room and the storage room

Work: At Panera for 40+ hours

This spring break may be a busy one. But I get a lot of alone time which I am pumped about, and you know I love me some alone time.

6. This reminds of a time I asked for a vacuum for christmas.

In conclusion I need to not watch youtube until the early morning.

emo-tions

2009-03-03T11:52:00.003-06:00

A few things that may indicate that you are too emotionally involved in The Bachelor.

1. Even though you have a 15 page paper due in two days and a midterm, you stand in the doorway captivated by the proposal scene.

2. You tear up when he picks the girl you have been rooting for

3. When he reveals in the 'After the Final Rose' that he is breaking up with Melissa, you react as if you were the one getting broken up with, the worst part is he did it on national television*

4. You are upset because you thought Jason was a good guy. And excuse me, did you even think about Ty? Long story short, you're a tool.

5. Molly? Really? I tried to justify you going back with him but I couldn't do it. You broke the girl code.

6. You google if Molly and Jason are still together (and found no results).

I am against what The Bachelor represents, women trying to throw themselves at a guy and win him over by looks and slutiness. But I got hooked this season, and now, I regret it. I won't watch again.

Unless Jillian or Melissa is on The Bachelorette.

*I do not mind that they broke up, but it was the way he did it that frustrated me.

irony

2009-02-26T00:00:00.002-06:00

my jaw catches and pop each time i eat chips and salsa
(which of you know me is about once a day)
this is the only time it happens.

do you think its a sign that i should stop eating chips and salsa?

Industry

2009-02-18T21:56:00.000-06:00

The man I love.

I will be seeing him live tomorrow.

Best 21st birthday.

dream come true

2009-02-16T23:03:00.003-06:00

This beautiful piece of art is sitting at my parent's house in Kansas City.

It is waiting for the day I graduate. All sealed up in it's box awaiting my arrival.

Almost there dear Kitchen Aid, then you can come home with me where you belong.

Reasons why today has been great.

2009-02-09T17:31:00.003-06:00

1. It was beautiful today, 65 degrees. And it's February.

2. One of my classes was cancelled. Which means I had a lunch break today. And I ate a free panini from Panera.

3. One of my classes we talked about the movie Crash.

4. One of my roommates got a new Mac (which caused me to lust and debate if I could get away with buying one...the verdict: Not right now).

5. Grandma sent me birthday money.

6. I bought a one-pice swimsuit for kamp that fits normally.

7. I am officially seeing my best friend over spring break and I will get to go to the Container Store

8. Jon McLaughlin is coming to Kansas for my 21st birthday.

9. I can breathe out of both of my nostrils (this is wonderful since I have been sick)

10. Conversation hearts. Plain and simple.

Meet my future husband.

...

2009-02-03T19:09:00.008-06:00

FSHS 550: The Family

For last weeks update please read this

I am just going to praise the Lord that I was not raised in a culture that supports lip plates among the women.

Or that supports men and boys drinking the blood of cattle for a source of protein.

Although this is a night class, it may become one of my favorites.

In other news, I ate an entire box of Caramel Delight Girl Scout Cookies in two days. Low point. Or is that a high point? You decide.

I am lusting after this.

But I only have 465 days before I am a proud owner of one of these. (I had to look the actual days up, although I would not put it past me to know that sort of useless information)*

Watch, learn and be inspired.

Enjoy.**

*This also means that in 465 days I will be done with my undergrad and be a certified mediator.

**This video is not supporting or opposing this president, I will keep who I voted for to myself. I thought it was creative.

And for your viewing pleasure. Mount Sunflower. It is the highest point in Kansas. Sad but yet beautiful.

2009-01-18T19:52:00.002-06:00

I am not a spontaneous person.

Type A is my personality type. Driven by deadlines, stress junkie, incapable of relaxation, constantly planning and having a goal in mind.

But today, I dyed my hair.

Baby steps.

Statistical Analysis

2009-01-06T21:35:00.003-06:00

I think there is a direct correlation between how much I work and how fat I feel.

Please Observe:
The more I work=the more I sit in the office=the more frozen custard I consume=fatty mcfatterson

Thank goodness I am done tomorrow.

Choosing Life

2009-01-02T19:21:00.003-06:00

2009 is upon us.

I am falling into the trend of writing out my resolutions.

One (which I already broke, 11 hours in to the new year) will not be mentioned.

I usually do something food related (i.e. no carbs, less Diet Coke, more fruits and veggies etc etc.) but not this year, partly because I love carbs and that was a tough few weeks before I gave into a bread bowl from Panera filled with Broccoli Cheddar goodness. But because there is so much more to life than to be worried about what I am consuming. Plus Diet Coke and Coffee are detrimental to my survival.

So I just want to leave you with this passage of scripture that I absolutely love.

Deut 30:19-20

Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live! You can make this choice by loving the Lord your God, obeying him, and committing yourself firmly to him. This is the key to your life. And if you love and obey the Lord, you will love long in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

So for this new year, just choose life.

It's all relative

2008-12-25T21:03:00.000-06:00

Norman Rockwell had a pretty good idea how family holiday dinners should go.

Too bad he never met my extended family.

He would be in for a good shock.

Yocum Family Christmas.

Just as dysfunctional as the Griswold's minus all the good one-liners.

I had the great pleasure of spending 4 hours with my dad's side of the family on Christmas. And by great pleasure, I mean we showed up right when it started and left right when is was acceptable to leave.

That side of the family really stresses me out. Lots of drama, jail and alcohol. My Christmas was spent on the couch at my grandmother's house in between a disgustingly real-looking fake cat and a talking snowman while my dad and I hid and I crocheted a scarf. I swear her house is the perfect set for a horror movie. It is filled with creepy ceramic figurines and two demonic looking angels dolls that hold candles up to light the living room. Plus the fake cats that are spread through the house, and don't worry they all have names and are made with real fur.

Don't even get me started on the basement. If something is on sale, my grandmother (the world's worst pack rat) she buys in bulk. There is stuff down there that expired in World War 2. You think I'm kidding. She spends $1500 on food month for her and my grandfather (and the great-grandchild she has recently taken responsibility of, another story for another time) Just because things are on sale, she buys 18 of them.

And that's just my grandma.

I still have 3 Aunts, 7 cousins, 4 second-cousins, the drug addict boyfriend of my cousin and the girlfriend that routinely changes depending on if cousin Doug is in jail or not (who I am pretty sure deals with voice imodulation issues.)

I have one Aunt that is normal, I have to give her credit for breaking the mold along with my dad.

One Aunt is obsessed with the Chief's and works for McDonalds and still pays her 26 year old and 30 year old son's bills and wonders why they don't want to move out.

The other Aunt, well she is insane. Plain and simple.

That's my extended family on one side.

Let's just say there is never a dull moment, although I may not even see them because I find comfort in my dad who somehow survived growing up there.

Yeah, they are into illegal activities and love to talk about them in front of my police officer father, they judge the way my parents raised me and my brother. And for the record, I think my parents did a good job with me and my brother. Lots of drugs and beer, lots of illegitimate children and jail time on the extended side of things.

But I love them because they are family. Granted, if I were not related to them I would never chose to spend a holiday with them or much less time with them. But I go and I talk and smile and let them ask me all the questions. And by all the questions it is really just one, "So do you have a boyfriend yet?" Which is always a no, then I am stuck listening too how many dates and boyfriends each person went through and how I should be dating. Sorry extended family, I prefer not to meet my significant other through a drug deal.

Family.

As crazy as they are, I don't know any different.

It is what i grew up with, it's normal.

After all, normal is all relative.

Organized Lists

2008-12-14T21:32:00.000-06:00

Abstract Thoughts

Bicycles

Cupcakes

Disney

Electricity

Fruit

Grass

Hope

Ice Cream

Jesus

K-Kauai

Limes

May

New classes

Orchids

Post-it Notes

Quick Trip

Realizations

Silence

Thunder

Unity

Vacations

Walking aimlessly

Xylophone

Yellow things

Zoos

Case in Point

2008-12-14T11:35:00.000-06:00

I have some of the hottest roommates that Manhattan has to offer.

2008-12-10T11:40:00.000-06:00

My newest pet peeve:
-During the week before finals, I have a hard time controlling my frustration when I need to use a public computer to print off a paper and there are none available because students are using them to facebook, youtube, play asain video games or just sitting there talking to their friends while pretending to use k-state online (basically it is pulled up on the screen and the student has their back to it). Really kids? Do it on your own time on your own computer, some of us need computers for academic purposes.

That is all. For now.
I plan to disappear until Wednsday at 11:40, it is then when I am a Senior and done with the semester.
If you need me I will be locked in my room, drinking shots of espresso.
Welcome back caffiene addiction. I missed you.

success stories

2008-12-08T13:50:00.001-06:00

It's that dreaded time of the semester. That time when you are so close to break but have papers, projects and finals blocking that light at the end of the tunnel.

I should be stressed. This time last year I was on the verge of a breakdown. Now, don't think that the reason I am not stressed is because I am so far ahead of the game, because that is not the case.

Last week, the only school related things I did was attend class. I didn't work on my Statistics homework or write my Women's Studies paper or work on my Early Childhood project.

Instead, I was one of the hosts to a white trash Christmas Party, I watched movies that we started at midnight, I helped frost 150 sugar cookies for 3 hours. I ran to McDonald's at 11pm with roommates. I cooked multiple dinners (that we ate at the table, a rare occasion) and made homemade hot chocolate, I took naps and cleaned my room. I ate cake in front of my roommate that was locked out, watch Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory which stuffing my face with sugar cookies and hot chocolate.

Now, I would dare to say I had a successful week. Yes, I paid for it when I locked myself in my room all weekend to work on all the things that I put off. It was totally worth it.

Everything will get done, eventually.

Until then, focus your concentration on the pictures above. Vattier knows where it's at.

Things that are easier with two hands.

2008-11-20T19:16:00.000-06:00

Here's a list of things un-slinged people take for granted:

-typing (currently 'pecking' with my right hand)

-eating on the couch (note: measuring cups work well, the handle is easy to hold onto and limits food intake or maybe it doesn't)

-opening jars of peanut butter (warning: this may cause reason for emotion breakdown)

-dressing myself (includes buttoning pants)

-texting

-washing dishes

-sleeping (trust me, when you can't lay on your side or move due to a sling, its hard)

-erasing my mistakes on a statistics test

-folding clothes/blankets

-icing cakes (I haven't actually tried to ice a cake but I can assume)

-washing hair and shaving

-tying shoes

5 more weeks of my one-armed lifestyle

Note the massive black contraption that is called the 'ultra slinger' that adorns the left side of my body, it comes with a velcro cell phone pouch and an exercise ball.

tasty television

2008-11-09T17:21:00.000-06:00

I am thoroughly convinced that Guy Fieri from Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives on the Food Network has one of the greatest jobs known to modern society.

This guy drives around America and tries little hole in the wall restaurants for a living and then tells faithful viewers like me about what he thinks about the greasy little places he tries.

I wish Paula Deen was my grandmother and the Barefoot Contessa seems stuck up.

EVOO.

(If you don't know what that means, please watch Rachel Ray)

I would love to host my own food network show.

I guess for now I am minister to loved ones through baked goods.

And I am ok with that.

End of story.

Type A

2008-10-21T17:55:00.000-05:00

Somewhat small things in life that make me happy

(may or may not be in order of significance):

-crawling into bed when the electric blanket has been on

-fall (this includes crisp weather, leaves changing colors and pumpkin flavored things)

-writing letters (or receiving them)

-planning things that may or may not ever happen

-the smell of lilacs

-sunrises

-hot chocolate from gas stations

-getting everything on my To Do list done for the day

-finding a quarter on the ground

-dressing up in costumes with my roommates

-artichoke dip

-Branson, and all that it entails (Kauai, people, shows, shopping and mullets)

-Kamp, KSU, KCC, Westbrooke and camp friends that will last forever

Somewhat small things in life that annoy me

(may or may not be in order of significance)

-the fact that some of my closest friends live states away

-uggs with sweatpants and sorority fleeces

-having to weigh in on Wednesdays

-erg practices

-going to bed early

-statistics

-Italian food

-my somewhat messy room

-that I lose my keys when I am stresses

-walking to school in the rain

-drifting apart from old friends because life took us in two different directions

-that hairspray makes my hair sticky and/or stiff

-the fact that I had to add one more item to my annoyed list to make it even

I guess in the end some of these things are not small at all.

But then again, some are.

Maybe it is the mix of small things in life and the big things that make it all worth it in the end.

Fall brings change

2008-10-03T16:16:00.000-05:00

How busy is too busy?

How many things can I schedule into a week before they start to loosing meaning and significance?

When do things I enjoy become dreaded obligations?

At what point am I stretched too thin?

When will I learn to say no?

Those thoughts keep coming to me, late at night when I should be sleeping. I lay there in the dark thinking about the days ahead of me, all the activities I have committed too. I think about what school work needs to get done, when I am going to fit in my physical therapy or my next work out, what type of cookie I need to bake for my next lifegroup or when I am going to volunteer at the nursing home. Sometimes when I wake up, I count the hours until I can hit the pillow again.

Shouldn't I be fully committed to one or two activities instead of half there for all of them?

It's just a choice of what I see as important. The catch is, all of them are good and beneficial.

How do you decide? How do you cut something out of your life? Will relationships be lost? Is the extra few hours a week worth it?

Riley County Police Department

2008-09-21T22:33:00.000-05:00

This is a rant on the department of transportation that deals with Manhattan residents.

After a beautiful weekend in Kansas City, catching up with kamp friends and KC friends and some good ole' Sheridan's Frozen Custard I was traveling back to the fine city of Manhattan with a 24 oz of Diet Coke in my system and a bag of candy corn at my side.

After a quick stop in Topeka, the armpit of Kansas to visit the brother and sister-in-law I was well on my way home.

I turned on to K-177, ten short minutes from my home. I had the sudden urge to pee. I knew I was just a few minutes away, but then the speed limit sign became my worst nightmare as it went from 60 mph to a wretched 45 mph. After I saw the sign I started to slow down my vehicle but not quick enough because in my rear view mirror I saw the infamous red and blue lights of a police car.

I pull over like a good, law-abiding citizen. The police officer sauntered over to my car and introduced himself, as if this was a some horrible job interview. Reminder: I have to pee, really bad. And the worst part was, the Phillips 66 was just a mere 100 yards away. The neon sign and the semi-clean bathroom was trying to suck me in like the sirens do in Greek and Roman mythology.

Insert conversation here:

P.O.-Hello ma'am, I am (insert name here) Do you know why I have pulled you over tonight?

Me-Yes, sir, I was speeding.

P.O.-I have pulled you over tonight because I clocked you going 58 in a 45. Are you in a hurry to get somewhere?

Me- Yes, actually I really have to pee, and I promise I won't speed again but I am pretty sure I am going to pee my pants any second now.

P.O.-Ok ma'am I will try to be quick

~At this point he has taken my ID and proof of insurance and gone back to the car that is responsible for shattering dreams of those who need to use the bathroom. I think it should be a constitutional right to use the bathroom when needed. I'm just throwing that out there. As the pain of my bladder worsens I debate whether if I can make it to the gas station after the Benedict Arnold of police officers is done betraying humanity. I mean police officers are supposed to protect citizens, not steal their money and prevent them from traveling to Branson, where dreams come do true. At this point, my bladder is literally exploding. Yes, I peed my pants while waiting for the officer to return. I am livid and upset as he returns with my ticker.~

Resume conversation here:

P.O.-Ok ma'am, here is all your information and your citation. (then he tells me useless stuff about court)

Me-Ok, thanks. (I am proceeding to put my driver's license up etc and then this is what I hear)

P.O.-Did you pee you pants like you said?

Me-Yes, as a matter fact I did (note: I am in tears right now because I got a ticket and I peed my pants which as not happened since I was probably five years of age)

P.O.-Well I am sorry to hear that.

End conversation here

So thank you Riley County Police Department. Thanks to you I have to now wash my brown shorts and pay the county money that I had saved to travel to Branson, Mo to visit people dear to my heart.

Lesson learned: Never drink 24 oz. of Diet Coke before driving 2 hours.

Vulnerable

2008-09-09T19:55:00.000-05:00

I started this blog so I would have an outlet for my thoughts. That was in April, though I have many thoughts since then, I never felt like I needed an outlet for them. I just kept them hidden.

Looking back was probably one of the worse things I could have done. I put strain on relationships because I was too scared to share what I was struggling with internally. To be vulnerable with people is to risk something. And within risking something, there could be hurt in the end but the reward could also be greater than I could ever imagine. When I shield myself from the possible pain I could endure, I block out the possibilities of the good stuff but with the pain, comes great growth. There is truth to the old statement 'No pain, no gain.' The trials I have endured have made me stronger and given me a greater testimony. I hid my pain of my sister's death for so long and just this past summer I dealt with it in a real way. I started to process it openly and let people come along side of me and support me. That event has shaped me in a real way and I can now give God the glory.

"So the strength of vulnerability is a curious mixture of discovering your heart and sharing your real self, as best as you can, with the people God has placed in your life. You can't shut down on the inside without quelling the very passion that makes the journey worthwhile. Those walls around the heart take buckets of energy to maintain and God has better things for His children to do. When we close off our hearts we dishonor Him." -Paula Rineheart

Spring Time in Manhattan

2008-04-05T17:15:00.000-05:00

As of this moment, the cream puffs have thawed to a proper temperature and the fondue has hardened.

Life is wonderful to be exact.