It's all relative

Norman Rockwell had a pretty good idea how family holiday dinners should go.

Too bad he never met my extended family.

He would be in for a good shock.

Yocum Family Christmas.

Just as dysfunctional as the Griswold's minus all the good one-liners.

I had the great pleasure of spending 4 hours with my dad's side of the family on Christmas. And by great pleasure, I mean we showed up right when it started and left right when is was acceptable to leave.

That side of the family really stresses me out. Lots of drama, jail and alcohol. My Christmas was spent on the couch at my grandmother's house in between a disgustingly real-looking fake cat and a talking snowman while my dad and I hid and I crocheted a scarf. I swear her house is the perfect set for a horror movie. It is filled with creepy ceramic figurines and two demonic looking angels dolls that hold candles up to light the living room. Plus the fake cats that are spread through the house, and don't worry they all have names and are made with real fur.

Don't even get me started on the basement. If something is on sale, my grandmother (the world's worst pack rat) she buys in bulk. There is stuff down there that expired in World War 2. You think I'm kidding. She spends $1500 on food month for her and my grandfather (and the great-grandchild she has recently taken responsibility of, another story for another time) Just because things are on sale, she buys 18 of them.

And that's just my grandma.

I still have 3 Aunts, 7 cousins, 4 second-cousins, the drug addict boyfriend of my cousin and the girlfriend that routinely changes depending on if cousin Doug is in jail or not (who I am pretty sure deals with voice imodulation issues.)

I have one Aunt that is normal, I have to give her credit for breaking the mold along with my dad.

One Aunt is obsessed with the Chief's and works for McDonalds and still pays her 26 year old and 30 year old son's bills and wonders why they don't want to move out.

The other Aunt, well she is insane. Plain and simple.

That's my extended family on one side.

Let's just say there is never a dull moment, although I may not even see them because I find comfort in my dad who somehow survived growing up there.

Yeah, they are into illegal activities and love to talk about them in front of my police officer father, they judge the way my parents raised me and my brother. And for the record, I think my parents did a good job with me and my brother. Lots of drugs and beer, lots of illegitimate children and jail time on the extended side of things.

But I love them because they are family. Granted, if I were not related to them I would never chose to spend a holiday with them or much less time with them. But I go and I talk and smile and let them ask me all the questions. And by all the questions it is really just one, "So do you have a boyfriend yet?" Which is always a no, then I am stuck listening too how many dates and boyfriends each person went through and how I should be dating. Sorry extended family, I prefer not to meet my significant other through a drug deal.

Family.

As crazy as they are, I don't know any different.

It is what i grew up with, it's normal.

After all, normal is all relative.