I travel the open road.

Monday, April 19, 2010


I am constantly praying for peace:
-about school
-about my day to day struggles
-about kamp
-about grad school
-about my future
-about things that don't matter at the moment
-about anxiety
-about finances
-about Africa
-about transitions
-about everything.

I want so desperately to have a sense of peace in the Lord. At times I wonder if it is because I don't trust Him enough. Waiting on the Lord, I think is one of the hardest things for me to do. I desperately want to have answers. I want a road sign of which way to go so I know it is the right decision. I feel like the Lord is constantly telling me to wait on Him.

A friend of mine just sent me a poem a few days ago.
I just got around to reading it.
Someone much wiser and more talented than I wrote down in a rhyming scheme what has been on my heart the past few weeks and the few waves of peace I get in this crazy world.

"...You'd have what you want, but you would not know Me..."
"...You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair; You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there. You'd not know the joy of resting in Me when darkness and silence are all you can see..."
"...You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee, what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee. Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true, but, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you..."
"...So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see that the greatest of gifts is to truly know Me..."

I feel lost most of the time, but I never feel alone. I guess that might be the first step to fully trusting the Lord, just knowing that He has never left you and never will.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

so close. yet not at all.

Too bad the the DSD paper and my portfolio are my hardest items on my list. It is almost like they are the dark cloud revisited. Only this time, it separates me from loosing my sanity and receiving my diploma.

Tonight I literally looked at some requirements of a paper and started to tear up, mainly because of the sheer fact that I have NO DESIRE WHATSOEVER to write it. I even calculated what my final grade would be if I didn't do it. The I asked myself if I could live with a D. Undecided at the moment.

Don't even get me started on my portfolio...which is ironic because that is barely started as of right now.

Senior year. These next three weeks are going to stink (working on k-rated words)
I need Braum's.