greatest evil.

The biggest thing I have learned at the Institute so far is how the Christian church is possibly one of the most unauthentic places in the world. I am now a cynic to the church. I think this is a good thing. I have been taught what the church as whole is doing wrong and how it does not line up with the Bible.

I want a reformation for church in America. Let’s take the book of Acts and model their version of the church. We need to change the methods but not the message. So many churches are trying to change the methods and the message, which is where the emergent church comes in (which I think is on its way out but that’s another post for another time). Other churches are packaging twisted messages in a traditional method gift box, which doesn’t work either.

Do not put the tradition of how the church has been run in the past in front of the people in the church. Let me repeat that. DO NOT PUT THE SPIRITUAL HEALTH OF YOUR CHURCH IN JEPORDY BECAUSE YOU ARE TO FOCUSED ON TRADITION.

Did you hear that? A lot of modern problems in the church are simply because people do not want to change what has worked for the past 30 years. Guess what: it’s 2010, not 1980. The world has changed. The greatest evil in America is not wars, immorality, corruption it is the ineffective church. Let me say that again; The greatest evil in America is the ineffective church. How does that make you feel? I’m so annoyed and frustrated.

Maybe I am to emotionally connected to this issue because I am currently watching a great church fall because tradition has been put at the top of the list when really that spot should be reserved for the people. The greatest commandant was not to love tradition. Read Matthew 22:36-40 It was to “love the Lord you God with all your heart and with all your soul and all your mind.” Want to know what the second was is? It’s to “love your neighbor as yourself.” Tradition is never mentioned. Imagine that.

Well, I could talk so much on this issue but our morning break is over. So basically: remember the people of your church, not the tradition. Keep the message, not the methods.

End of an Era

Friends (all 4 if you that read this):

I have graduated college. I have moved away from Manhattan, Ks. I have shut the door on that chapter of my life. It is the most bizarre set of emotions I have ever felt. I'm excited, scared, nervous, nostalgic and happy.

I never thought I would ever prefer the small-town life to the hustle and bustle of the city. It was so hard to move from the Little Apple. I have grown so much there, the biggest lesson I learned is how faithful the Lord is. He never ceases to amaze me. He has brought me through the fire so many times.

I have been blessed with wonderful roommates, and we have seen the ugly sides of each other and all our crazy emotions that goes with being seniors in college trying to navigate life. We have laughed, cried, laugh until we cried but at the end of the day, we have each other backs. I am so thankful for the people that the Lord placed in Manhattan and I am so excited to see where our friendships go.

I move to Branson in 2 days. And not just for the year, I will call that place home for at least a year.

(speaking of that, I have a Branson blog www.sarahinbranson.blogspot.com, so add it to your google reader, I just wrote a blog today)

Manhattan, it was a good ride. My time is done. I will forever have a part of my heart that is devoted to the Little Apple.

Bring it. Lord, I am ready.

WAIT.

I am constantly praying for peace:

-about school

-about my day to day struggles

-about kamp

-about grad school

-about my future

-about things that don't matter at the moment

-about anxiety

-about finances

-about Africa

-about transitions

-about everything.

I want so desperately to have a sense of peace in the Lord. At times I wonder if it is because I don't trust Him enough. Waiting on the Lord, I think is one of the hardest things for me to do. I desperately want to have answers. I want a road sign of which way to go so I know it is the right decision. I feel like the Lord is constantly telling me to wait on Him.

A friend of mine just sent me a poem a few days ago.

I just got around to reading it.

Someone much wiser and more talented than I wrote down in a rhyming scheme what has been on my heart the past few weeks and the few waves of peace I get in this crazy world.

"...You'd have what you want, but you would not know Me..."

"...You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair; You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there. You'd not know the joy of resting in Me when darkness and silence are all you can see..."

"...You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee, what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee. Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true, but, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you..."

"...So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see that the greatest of gifts is to truly know Me..."

I feel lost most of the time, but I never feel alone. I guess that might be the first step to fully trusting the Lord, just knowing that He has never left you and never will.

so close. yet not at all.

Too bad the the DSD paper and my portfolio are my hardest items on my list. It is almost like they are the dark cloud revisited. Only this time, it separates me from loosing my sanity and receiving my diploma.

Tonight I literally looked at some requirements of a paper and started to tear up, mainly because of the sheer fact that I have NO DESIRE WHATSOEVER to write it. I even calculated what my final grade would be if I didn't do it. The I asked myself if I could live with a D. Undecided at the moment.

Don't even get me started on my portfolio...which is ironic because that is barely started as of right now.

Senior year. These next three weeks are going to stink (working on k-rated words)

I need Braum's.

almost works of art

Below are all of the few lined drafts of blogs I never posted because I got distracted or bored and never finished. There are a few that I would be really interested with where I was going to go with it.

B-Town, Mo.

6/22/09

Kamp is 1/3 of the way over.

Sometimes I just look around and wonder why I signed up for 12 weeks of this.

And then I see God work incredible ways.

untitled

6/27/09

Satan is attacking the name of Kanakuk and more importantly the name of our Lord.

Well hello there senior year

8/23/09

Tomorrow marks the last first day of school I will ever have. Or at least until grad school.

untitled

10/15/09

I could really use some peppermint ice cream right now.

What was I concerned about the most? If I would ever find a skinny vanilla latte as good as Bluestem's. The verdict? Probably not.

untitled

11/8/09

Have you ever had a song that takes you back to a memory so strong that as you listen to it, you want nothing more than to back in that place of peace and simplicity?

For me, a lot of Christmas music does that to me.

worse case scenario

11/10/09

i don't get into seminary
-i don't get into john brown
-i move back to kc and live in my parent's house on the futon in the extra bedroom surrounded by boxes that contain my entire existence
-i work at sheridan's
-or stay in manhattan and work for the school district
-or work at starbucks, somewhere

because i am a family studies major which basically means nothing.

Just a Thought

11/17/09

I want to apologize because my crazy feminist side might come out.

But this is ridiculous!

Shouldn't people be more concerned about the messages barbie sends to girls? Like her 18 inch waist?

untitled

3/2/10

The Lord has a sense of humor, which is supported by observing my life.

Marriages and things like it.

3/17/10

Save the Date cards are determining all my time off this summer.

And I am well on my way to replacing My Best Friend's Wedding as the story of my life to 27 Dresses.

My Best Friend's Wedding had a good run.

Walking in Memphis

It only seemed appropriate to title this post after the city in which I am currently in.

Last night I watched as my dear friend Tracy walked down the isle to marry Nick. As much as I hate to admit it, I teared up. I don't think I have ever been in such a state of happiness that I have been led to tears.

As the ceremony progressed, I was trying to enjoy every moment of what the pastor was saying but the red pumps she had chosen for the bridesmaids to wear where causing my legs to shake and my knees to throb. I thought I was going to faint from the pain. I have never been in so much pain and trust me, I have had my fair share of physical pain. All for love, right?

About halfway through the ceremony, Clint was talking about how this is the first time in all of his years that he has known each bridesmaid from the day they were born and has watched us all grow up together. The he says :

"I have married 3 of the 5 of you, Sarah and Kelly, You're next. I'm going five for five"

(Enter awkward laughs)

I'm sorry, what?

Can you say that?

Then enter the reception.

All I can say is, if I were dating someone, wouldn't they be there with me?

If you don't see me with a date, assume that I am not dating anyone.

Overall, I am so happy for Tracy and Nick and for the special that eHarmony was running over Labor Day Weekend 2009 to view your matches for free.

In other news, it was catered by Oklahoma Joe's and we all know my love of that place and there were 6 different kinds of cake at the reception. I will not deny the fact that I had some of each. I figured since my dress was on and zipped I could eat all I wanted. And I did.

Valentine's Day

I have just finished putting together Valentine's for my precious class, even though I was slightly frustrated that buying gender friendly ones was harder than expected.

I had to settle on jungle animals with tattoos to match. They should make variety pack for Valentine's like putting racecars and princesses in the same box.

One of my students is very concerned that I don't have a valentine for Sunday's events, I am pretty sure he has been discussing the matters with the other children. Today alone 3 boys told me I was pretty and if they were old enough they would save me from the embarrassment of being alone (Do I look desperate to my class of 4 and 5 year olds?) One boy asked why I didn't have a date for Sunday, I simply told him that no one had asked.

Rememeber in grade-school when the Valentine's Day was approaching there was always so much talk about what kind of cards you were going to buy and the candy you would attach to it? The week before the party you would be sitting in your art class decorating your envelopes or baskets with construction paper hearts and white doilies to house all the goods you were going to be given.

Life was so much simpler then because everyone received a valentine no matter how much of a loser you were, you got the same amount as the most popular girl in the grade. What an ego-boost for someone who struggled with self-esteem for, I don't know, majority of her grade-school years, middle-school years, high school years and part of college, it felt good to be on the same level as the prettiest girl in class that all the boys loved even just for a moment. You could taste the other side.

Today's gift-giving resembles the dodge ball team selection process from P.E., since you still pray about not becoming the last person left on the sidelines. You think that maybe this year will be your year. By some chance you will open your door and see a bouquet of flowers on the doorstep for you. I have a better chance of walking downstairs to see Celine Dion, Jon McLaughlin, The Fray and Ingrid Michaelson having a jam session in my living room than I do of seeing flowers on my doorstep come Sunday morning.

The title of this post probably makes you think that I am going to bash on this holiday and from what I have already written, it sounds like I might. And it probably sounds like I am bitter and because of me being completely single with no prospects and adding to that, I am a pretty big cynic, that would make complete sense.

But, I have a confession despite my usually cynical feminist attitudes:

I think this is a perfectly fine holiday, although I think it is disgusting how much Hallmark makes off of this day and how many girls self-worth goes down during this time.

And that is the truth coming from a completely content me.

A lot of growth in this area is because of the Lord. I would go through phases where I could barely be happy for someone because of their current relationship status I would only be reminded that I was single but the Lord has been so gracious to me and spared me of some (emphasis the word some) heartache.

This Sunday when friends are out with their loved ones, I will be in my sweatpants in the the purple chair watching reruns of the Office and loving every minute of it. Everyone wins in my opinion.

So all I am going to say is love people as much as you can. Love your family, friends, classmates, team members and coworkers. Love like Jesus.

And show them you love them everyday.

But take advantage of the sales that happen around this time of year.

Especially all the candy that goes on sale on the 15th.